Metal Gear Solid V:The Phantom Pain- The Weight of the World
by Shiimura
Summary: A story about Venom Snake and Quiet. His feelings and search for closure.
1. Chapter 1

* _English is not my first language, so I apologize if the sentences are not grammatically correct. This is my first fan fiction story. I hope you'll like it ^^_

The Weight of the World

Venom snake was sitting at the edge of landing zone of Mother Base. His gaze was directed at the always beautiful sunset he came to admire for some time. His thoughts were drifting towards Quiet and he was reminding himself of their time spent since all of this happened. In some way, he came to think of her as more than a regular comrade but it was hard for him to define what he was feeling as it was to define what he has become. The sorrow he felt, the words he thought were left unspoken were gushing? At him. He didn't see a way out. ''What was he to do? As himself? As the legendary soldier, Big Boss?''- He didn't know and didn't feel that he was coming close to the answer he was looking for. The only thing that was keeping him together were orders by which he was obliged to live by. They made life easier in some way. He didn't have to search for some mystical life meaning which purpose would be to answer all of life questions that kept him awake at night. He just had to act according to the situation he was dealt and live on. For some time now, when he would catch himself in doubtful thoughts, he would say to himself ''Just the act of living should be enough.'' After all that is what brought him to Quiet, Ocelot and Kaz. The simple act of living on has brought on him a specter of emotion and conflict. It made him accept challenges he wasn't ready to accept. But what was he to do? If he just stood still, he might as be dead. So, he pushed through in spite of the void he found himself living in. Looking back, he wouldn't have done differently.

As he was drifting deeper and deeper inside the whirlwind of his thoughts, he was interrupted by the sound of footsteps that were approaching him. ''Tough day?'' – Ocelot uttered as he sat beside him. -Want some advice? - he continued.

\- ''What do you suggest?" - Venom Snake asked as he turned himself towards Ocelot.

\- "Don't dwell too much on Quiet. She was a fine soldier. One of the best but not as good as the Legend she fought for. You have this whole operation lying on your shoulders. Wasting time is not an option, it is time that you return on the field. I've been hearing rumors from the staff. They are all concerned with your state and are doubting their purpose here. Diamond dogs need you. Overthinking what happened will get you nowhere so you might as well stick a knife in your gut and twist it if you continue torturing yourself at this pace." Ocelot stated and looked him in the eyes. Venom didn't show any visible reaction at his words but inside he has felt for some time as though he already had a knife piercing through his flesh and now Ocelot just pushed it even further. ''Torture''- he thought to himself. –'' It's truly Ocelots specialty''-

-You came here to lecture me?- Venom asked in a calm deep voice. Ocelot stood up and looked at the sun and then back again at Venom Snake. –'' I came here to remind you of your purpose. I have to go. I took a wrong turn for you and left Miller waiting. I suggest you get sleep tonight. Tomorrow I might have something for you that will get you back out there.'' Finishing his sentence, he started to walk away. The sun was slowly disappearing and Venom Snake felt as if the weight of the world was hanging over him. He felt like the Titan Atlas. He was destined to carry such a heavy weight but in reality, he was just a man. Flesh and bone with a dash of soul or what was left of it anyway. Without the sun, the horizon wasn't as beautiful and so without a soul he was just as empty as the dummies one would use as decoys. A hollow body performing day to day activities. There wasn't much pride in it. But with Quiet, Ocelot and Kaz he thought that he had a chance at experiencing something more. Something he could carry with him and build on it. Personal feelings for comrades were considered dangerous but that's the only thing that kept him going. With a grin on his face and the sunlight vanishing he let his head fall and looked down on the soldiers of Mother Base. They were looking for guidance to him and he wasn't just yet ready to give up. With a new hope emerging, he looked at the sky as he felt rain drops on skin. He closed his eyes and remembered when he was with Quiet in the rain. –''Counting on it''- His smile widened as he silently replied to the already gone Ocelot


	2. Chapter 2-The Feeling That Doesn't Reach

The feeling that doesn't reach

Venom Snake opened his eyes as the first ray of light reached his face. For a second he hesitated to get up but was encouraged due a sharp pain in his right shoulder. He slowly transitioned in a sitting position and put his right hand on his left shoulder. Gently rubbing it, hoping for the pain to go away. –''It's always like this…Isn't it?'' he thought to himself. For a major part of his life now, he has been waking up in pain. More physical than emotional or at least that was his opinion. He always figured that he left most of his emotions on the field. He filtered them through his actions. So, without ever really standing still, he thought this is a convenient time to reflect on the past. Even for a minute. He reached out for a cassette tape. Not just any…the one that Quiet left for him to cherish as the material memory of her existence. He played it with his eyes closed, trying to imagine her with him on Mother Base. Imagining how life would've looked like if they had a chance to live a simpler life, a one not destined to tear them apart as a child rips her dolls limbs. One by one.

" _I did not choose to be Quiet. I wanted to express my feelings to you. If only we shared a common tongue. Vengeance was what drove me to them...The only language left to me, revenge. But the words we shared...No, that was no language at all. That's why I...I chose the language of gratitude instead, and go back to silence. I am Quiet...I am...the absence of words._ "

As the tape finished, he clenched his fist. He was angry at how things ended. There was no chance for him to say goodbye. –'' If only I had known, surely I would've done differently''-he thought but wasn't sure if it was a comforting thought or guilt latching onto him. Was he to blame? Quiet? Cipher? Feeling trapped by his quest of searching answers that he'll never find, he threw his iDroid on the floor and leaned back on the bed. –''What am I doing?''- he asked himself aloud. –'' My feelings got the best to me. I need to go out there. Fight for redemption''-he said as he pointed his eyes towards the Diamond Dogs emblem. After that he jumped out of bed, put his clothes on and went to find Ocelot. His walk through Mother Base was most of the time the same. Soldiers greeted him and where always calling for him. Sometimes he caught himself enjoying their attention more than he wanted to admit. He questioned the soldiers about Ocelots whereabouts and found at that they saw him heading towards the Intel Platform.

When he arrived, he saw Kaz. ''-Boss! Are you ready? We're counting on you'' he said and started walking.-''Ocelot is waiting for us.'' Venom looked at him. '' Waiting? How did you know that I'll arrive? How long did you wait?''- Kaz laughed and answered-'' Words travel fast on Mother Base. A long time ago I decided to stick with you and as you know, there were times I waited for you longer than this. Besides, I used this time to talk to the soldiers. You know I like to stay on top of everything that is going on.'' His speech was interrupted with the arrival of a third person. –''Me too.''- he added to their conversation and continued –''I would love for us to go over the mission together but there is no time. Boss, you'll find all the information you need on the tape. I also sent some pictures on your iDroid. I think you'll also find them useful. In the meantime, Kaz, we got a lot of things to discuss. Boss, we'll fill you in when you return. Until then worry only about the mission. Make us proud.'' When he finished his speech, he turned around and started to walk away and Venom did the same. He already felt drained from Quiet's tape and didn't really want to talk to anyone because he feared that they'll sense his current state of self-pity and regret.-''Weakness in their eyes'' he thought but then again feelings were the only thing he could call his own. With that he decided to stop analyzing himself and concentrate on the mission. The mission is the priority. Kazuhira on the other hand wanted to talk. Wanted to settle the score with everyone but he knew he couldn't. He didn't even look at Ocelot but kept his gaze on the phantom. He grew fond of him. He managed to gather strength and uttered –'' Focus Boss.''

Venom was sitting in the Arial Command Center. The sound of the chopper brought peace to his mind. He felt clear of all the voices that were torturing him. It was overpowering in a way. He played the tape, ready to take on what was ahead of him

'' _Boss, your mission is clear and simple. A search and rescue. A private army hired us to save a linguistic anthropologist being held in the mansion in Lufwa Valley. They said that they contact us because they couldn't risk to fail. Weird, isn't it? Code talker was also held there. I'll try to find out if it's there more to this story than it meets the eye. It's up to you to decide how you're going to do it. You can find pictures of him on your iDroid. If we manage to get any new information we'll contact you immediately. Good luck Boss!''_

Venom didn't really care about their agenda or anything. He just wanted to get it done. He closed his eyes and let himself drift away and the next time he opened his eyes, they were already there. Without much hesitation, the jumped out of the chopper. At the moment his feet touched the ground, he thought he saw, in the corner of his eyes, a shadow passing by. He started to look in different directions, hoping to notice something out of the ordinary. –''Quiet?''- he whispered to himself.


	3. Chapter 3-Beyond The Cover Of Silence

Beyond the cover of silence

-"Quiet"-he repeated louder but there was no reply.

-''Must be my imagination"- he argued but with doubt in his mind.

-" A lot of crazy and unbelievable things have happened, so, wouldn't seeing Quiet again be one of the most usual and ordinary things.?"- he concluded but started to question his reasoning-'' But Quiet is no ordinary girl…There can't be nothing between us…Not in this position…Not while I have to fulfill my duty as Big Boss."

He found his mind drifting and he didn't like it. He wasn't focused nor was he ready to do what was needed. He hated the limbo he was living. When he thought about his future, he would always think of himself as half of a man. Even if he were granted the opportunity to be reunited with Quiet, who would she choose? Ocelot said that she is in love with the Legend but he was more than aware that he is just a Phantom of a man he was supposed to be. Although they both had part in the creation of Big Boss, he always felt as a pawn and that meant he wasn't a Legend because true legends don't feel like they are spare parts.

-''I need to stop this bickering'' he said to himself and opened his iDroid. He went through the map and marked a few locations to better orient himself. He also ordered supply drops at those locations in case things got out of hand. Although he was quite distracted, he thought that in the end, the mission shouldn't be a problem because he was already familiar with the mansion. He used his binoculars to spot the enemy soldiers. While he was scouting the territory, his heart wasn't in it. His whole body felt as if it was out of place. He used to prefer going solo on mission but he also got quite fast used to Quiet. She fulfilled the empty space in his life and splattered color into his grey world. Since long ago, he has been forced to see the world as grey. There was no right or wrong. Only the in between. That was his path. A road of questionable morale choices led by the interpretation of the world which was embedded in him. Nothing more and nothing less. The world would probably be a happier place if he would leave himself out of the equation but he couldn't do it. If he were to retire or vanish, who would serve his penance? So, he decided to do it for the soldiers. For the ones looking for shelter in his world. An army which was going to become an integral framework of the global economy. Although they all thought of themselves as outcasts to the normal everyday life, they were partaking a far more important role in it that they even could imagine. Their position handed them an opportunity to sculpt everyone else's life but their own. That was in their job description or at least they thought of it that way. Feeling that he already tortured himself enough with his thought process, he decided to wait for the night as use the cover of darkness as his ally. He lighted his phantom cigar and looked at the soldiers from the location that Quiet used to scout them.'' In your honor, I shall, live and do.''-he uttered as blackness covered him. He decided to use the entrance but there were two soldiers standing in front of it. He sneaked behind them and threw a few objects to get their attention. The soldiers were alert and wanted to check out the situation before contacting their superiors. One stayed on guard, while the other turned on his flashlight and was slowly approaching the place from which the strange sound came from. When he reached his destination, he heard another sound. ''Must be an animal''-the soldier thought and pointed his flashlight towards the direction of the noise. At the same moment, a strong bulky arm embraced his neck. He felt dizzy but could still recognize what the person holding him hostage was asking.

-"Where is he?"- a deep rough voice asked. The soldier didn't struggle much before he leaked the information and was immediately after that put to an endless sleep by the knife of his captor.

-"A merciful death'' Venom thought to himself. He walked behind the other soldier and finished the job with his stun gun. Now, he was ready to enter the mansion. With his Bio-Sonar detector he managed to get a better sense of the people inside and at the same time he also took a pill to heighten his senses. He managed to sneak past numerous soldiers but was still forced to knock out some of them. Luckily, in one of the rooms he found a transcript in which was mentioned the targets exact location. As he arrived by the door, he slowly opened it and found a man lying on the floor. He came closer and checked if his face matched the picture on his iDroid. Suddenly, a voice reached out to him. -"Boss! That is the target! Extract him"-. Without thinking twice, Venom placed the man on his shoulders and started making his way upstairs. He decided to extract him by the fulton balloon on the balcony. He got to his desired position and strapped the anthropologist. The anthropologist was still asleep. -''They must be keeping him on some opiates"-he thought. As he was about to be extracted, a soldier opened the door and was aiming to shoot the balloon. Venom turned around and jumped towards him, hoping to change the gun's direction at the last moment and finished the guard with CQC. As he was leaping towards him, he heard a strange sound passing by his right ear. His eyes widened. The soldiers started falling to the ground with a hole in his forehead. Snake jumped aside behind the terrace fence. He froze. "Quiet?" he asked himself but he wasn't ready to take chances. As far as he was concerned, someone could've have used information of Quiet against him. He used his binoculars and carefully looked around if he was going to detect some sound frequency. His heart skipped a beat as he heard a soft humming voice.


End file.
